Best coach of the year award goes to…

Anne. Annie. Bananza.

Whatever you call her, she’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known.

I had privately shared with her some of my struggles this fall, so she knew how hard it was for me to travel to Vegas for the race… only to not even start it.

After the race, we went out for a Vegas-style buffet.

She presented me with this:

Annie says that when she crossed the finish line, she asked for an extra medal for her friend who couldn’t do the race due to an injury. I freaking love this girl. (Although, part of me still wonders if it is really the medal SHE got for finishing the race… as she had told me the day before she was thinking of giving her medal to me… and if that’s the case, Annie, I will find out and this medal will find its way back into your possession).

Hiding the pain… with wine and pizza

I don’t really know how to start writing this post. It’s been in the works in my mind for about two months. I’ve just been too afraid to start typing, mostly because I knew it would force me to let go of the hurt, the frustration, and the negative feelings that have been running through my head this fall. I wasn’t ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to stop eating my feelings (I’m kind of an expert). I wasn’t ready to admit I failed.

But here goes.

I’ve failed.

I’ve gained weight back. Not all of it… and not enough for people to notice (I’m still hearing the “hey you lost weight girl!” comments…”) But I know. I know I’ve gained back pounds I fought so hard to lose. Call it self sabotage… but when I realized that running the Las Vegas Rock ‘n’ Roll half marathon was slipping farther and farther out of reach, I began to retreat. I went to a dark place deep inside. I ate horribly (well it sure tasted good). I rarely worked out. I considered turning to alcohol and nicotine. Luckily, I only hit the bottle in moderation – except for Vegas weekend, but more on that later.

Family, friends, coworkers knew what was happening, but they didn’t know just how hard I was taking it. To be fair to them, I hid it well. I hid the hurt. I hid the anxiety. I hid the frustration. Ok, I didn’t hide it all, but I hid the severity of it. When friends would talk about a training run or about their excitement for the race, I put on a brave face, smiled and acted happy for them.

But inside, part of me was dying. Part of me hated that it came easy to them. Part of me wanted to scream, “PLEASE SHUT UP. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.” But I didn’t. Sure, I would make snide comments here or there… but I never wanted to take away the joy from my friends. So I hid the pain deep down inside…along with a few pizzas.

It didn’t help that I was a mentor for Team Challenge (which was in itself, pure joy). I would get my butt up for early practices… only to see the team head out for their runs. I would return home, feeling angry, jealous and frustrated.

Here is the starting line of the RNR Las Vegas, as seen from my hotel room. I heard the gun go off and the crowd of 30k runners cheer with excitement. It was then that I finally let go of the pain. I sobbed in my hotel room for a good 15-20 minutes. And then, something clicked.  It was time to stop the pity party, put on my big girl pants (pun intended) and cheer my heart out for my teammates. I’m not gonna lie, I drank my feelings that day… but I also drank them away.

A few days later I officially sent off the bad mojo and made the decision to stop sabotaging myself. And while I’m not quite there yet, I’m actively going in the right direction. I’m committed to meet my fitness goals for 2011.

I fell victim to my pain. Instead of fighting it, I let it take over. It consumed every fiber of my being. And while I haven’t fully expelled it from my body, I have released it.

Begone bad mojo.

Begone bad behavior.

Begone bad thoughts.

Begone.

This is kind of a big deal

Today I decided to unsubscribe from an e-mail list… and not just any ol’ list. A list for a plus-size clothing store. I haven’t bought clothes there in awhile and hopefully I won’t have a need to shop there any time soon.

Farewell, Torrid!

Giveaway: Dailymile Stickers!

When I finally ordered my Dailymile t-shirt, I harassed Kelly (aka @dailymile) about my missing stickers? I wanted to pimp out my life with DM. I owe my life to social media sites like Dailymile, so I’m always wanting to pimp them when I can.

Well, today I got a li’l white envelope packed with some Dailymile goodness! And I want to spread the love, so I’m going to share some of my Dailymile stickers with my blog readers (I haven’t decided how many… but there will be at least 4 up for grabs).

What do you have to do to enter this li’l giveaway?

Post a comment on this blog post telling me where you’ll put your DM swag. Bonus points if you post a picture of what will get the DM branding.

I’ll pick winners next week.

Bizarre side effects of working out

MSN just published a story about the 10 bizarre side effects of exercise.

“Researchers have been touting the healthy side effects of exercise for years. Regular workouts can help you lose weight, boost mood, and live longer. But your daily workout can also have some strange—and pretty wonderful—side effects. From exercise-induced ear popping to the, uh, pleasures of a core workout, experts explain what’s behind your body’s weirdest physical reactions.”

Here are the top 10:

  1. Yawning
  2. Farting
  3. Runny Nose
  4. Coregasm
  5. Ear popping
  6. hives
  7. heartburn
  8. cramps
  9. headache
  10. incontinence

How many of these bizarre side effects have you had? I’ve had five. Thank GOD #10 isn’t one of them.