One of the things I know I will struggle with for awhile is thinking I’m fatter than I really am. Hell, my li’l description on this blog says “I’m not a skinny girl in a fat girl’s body. I’m a fat girl in a fat girl’s body.”
Today I was reading one of the many health/fitness/weight loss blogs in my RSS reader when I came across this post from For the Love of Skinny:
When I weighed in there was a new woman at the desk, and of course as soon as she saw my achievement of 70lbs she got all excited and said…can you guess…”OH MY GOD YOU MUST FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON!” Yeah I get this a LOT. That night though I just smiled and said “you know, not really” which my WW leader over heard and she came over to chat. We started talking about how it takes a while for you brain to catch up with your body. She told me about some study they did with like 100 woman of varying sizes that they put in a room and told them to stand in a long line from biggest to smallest. The women had to silently without help from each other find their spot in the line. In the end only a very small percentage of the women actually understood what size they were, some guessed too small, some to large. The women that were the most off were the ones who had lost a significant amount of weight, these women were blind to their own size. I feel like that right now.
I can totally relate. When I’ve lost weight before, sure, I’ve been happy and felt better… but there was always a part of me that knew I’d never be completely happy with my outward appearance.
I’ve always tried to be the “I’m-so-happy-I-don’t-care-that-I’m-fat-and-love-to-make-jokes-about-how-fat-I-am” girl… but deep down I’m really the “I-hate-that-I’m-fat-but-don’t-know-where-to-start” kind of girl. Sure, I know what it takes to lose weight. If you don’t know, then, well, did you go to school? I always knew that eating healthy and exercising were the keys to success. You have to do both to be super successful. But it’s that turning point, that determination, that will to change that makes the biggest difference. After a decade of unhealthy choices, I’ve made the decision – no, the commitment- to change. I’m not TRYING to lose weight and get healthy. I AM LOSING WEIGHT AND GETTING HEALTHY.
Trying is attempting with the intent to fail.
Will + Determination = success.
Part of me fears I’ll always think I’m fat. Honestly, a li’l part of me always will, because once that’s in your mind, it’s hard to break. But I’m trying determined to change.