Putting on a brave face but crying on the inside

Right now I feel like jumping off the bridge anyway.


Source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dannyman/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

But I won’t. Well not this weekend anyway.

I digress.

Tonight was the #fitmke Weight Loss Challenge kickoff and official weigh-in. And BOY did I weigh in. LIKE WEEEEEIIIIIIGHHH in. Before I post the numbers, I would like to mention the following:

  1. He made me keep my big winter boots on
  2. I’m fat
  3. I was a bit dehydrated (apparently, if you’re not well hydrated, it throws off the body fat % number…)
  4. I’m fat
  5. It was a PM weigh-in and you typically weigh more in the evening (or so I’ve been told)
  6. I’m fat
  7. I have a thyroid condition that has definitely contributed to a massive weight gain over the past year.

That said…. I weighed in at 274.2. Holy !@#($!#$%@$!#*(&! I wanted to cry, but I stayed strong. THEN, I was dragged kicking and screaming had the privilege of getting my body fat percentage taken. It was 45. I am almost HALF FAT. !@#($!@(#$$%&^%^&*%@#$!@#$. But, please keep #3 in mind.

The trainer didn’t take measurements, so I did that when I got home. My sister helped me cuz I could not measure my arms for the life of me.

I’m going to keep track of everything on the Stats page… so if you want to see the damage, click on over. WARNING: content may not be appropriate for the young or faint of heart.

What has this taught me?

I am in need of some SERIOUS changes in my life. Y’all need to keep pushing me, because all I want to do right now is to drown my sorrows in large amounts of alcohol, ice cream and deep fried goodness.

Did I ever mention I’m an emotional eater? Cuz yeah, I am.

I seriously SERIOUSLY want to give up. But I know y’all have my back (all 274.2 pounds of it) and instead, I’m going to steam some veggies. It’s time to say a big ol’ EFFFFF U to the fat.

One more thing. If we’re on a plane and it crashes in the middle of nowhere, I give you permission to eat my fat ass when I die.

0 Replies to “Putting on a brave face but crying on the inside”

  1. I also felt quite embarrassed when I was there. The whole thing was kind of frightening. Thanks a lot for keeping me company. It helped a lot.

    My plan for the morning: eating oatmeal, drinking water and some black coffee. Lunch will probably be just fruit. We’ll see how that goes.

    I really wish there was an actual section of the fit milwaukee blog dedicated just to weight loss motivation and sharing. Hobnobbing with a bunch of 25 year old hardbodies sharing about how hard it is to train for a marathon is not exactly where I’m at, ya know?

    1. You’re welcome Scott. This week I started eating oatmeal every morning for breakfast. Time to figure out the meal plan train for the rest of the day. Hang in there, we’ll get through it together

  2. Amy,
    I give you so much credit for putting it out there for everyone to see. That takes a lot of guts. I know you feel bad, but your attitude is awesome – as well as your sense of humor! You’ll have amazing support. I’m pulling for you! Take it day by day…

  3. Amy – I give you so much credit for putting this out for everyone to see. That takes a lot of guts. You’ll have amazing support because you have such a great attitude (and an awesome sense of humor) and I’m sure you’ll succeed – just take it day by day. I’m pulling for you!

  4. Hi Amy… great blog post! I have a thyroid problem too, low thyroid, so it’s tough for us types. A friend recommended The Sonoma Diet to Tom and I and we love it because it’s not like a diet. Check it out… it’s great. WildTree fits right into the diet too! Lots of healthy recipe choices and since you like to cook, you would love it. BTW… I eat Oatmeal almost every morning. Good Luck!

  5. You are so brave chica!!!! I put a password on my wii fit so no one would know how muc I weigh. Just putting it out there is such a big step!

  6. You can do this, Amy…hell, we can do this. Not only do we share the love of Wildtree, but I too, am struggling with my weight. And to make you not feel so alone, I will put my weight out there and my goal for 2010. I weigh 243.8 and my goal weight is 155. But more than that, I want to feel better. I’m pre-diabetic and have always had asthma which seems to be kicking up more than every lately. I get winded often and I’m finding myself becoming the Mom that sits on the couch because it’s too uncomfortable to sit down on the floor with my son while he plays. I don’t want to be “that Mom”.

    So anytime you need a support buddy or someone to talk over food porn with…especially Wildtree Alfredo food porn…I’m always here!

  7. Ha! I was thinking many of those things when stepping on the scale tonight and I have a ways to go too. Kudos on taking the big step tonight. It was great to see so many people joining the challenge. Hopefully we’ll all be shrinking and getting stronger together. BTW, thanks for pointing out the 344Pounds.com blog earlier today on twitter. I found it very inspiring and it shows how much we can all accomplish when we put our minds to it. Good luck!

  8. Amy, I am so proud of you for posting your weight. That’s really brave of you. I know you have lots of challenges ahead of you but your attitude is right on. Look how many people have already come to inspire and motivate you! Just think how fast the weight will come off compared to that boot-wearing number! I hear ya girl…

  9. Everyone has to start somewhere! The main thing to remember is not to dwell on the numbers because I have learned that basing weight loss on the numbers will drive you nuts. Something else that might help motivate you (if you don’t already watch) is watching the biggest loser. it started last night actually! It’s like going to a weight watchers meeting because you see that there are people out there struggling with the same issues and watching their progress shows you that anyone can do it as long as you want to.

    Don’t cry into ice cream…maybe weep into some low-fat frozen yogurt instead 🙂

  10. I’m right there with you babe. Emotional eaters unite.
    But you did it. You posted the number. It’s freeing and that number will only go down from here. And remember. Everything in moderation.
    I know how hard it is. You know what…this is going to sound corny, but I’m so glad I found you. Not only are you an inspiration, but I found someone who I feel really understands me.
    I’m here if you ever feel an ice cream sammich attack coming on. I’ll talk you down…but only if you do the same!

  11. Amy, I’m just catching up. Couldn’t be more proud of you for your bravery. I lost 35 lbs at one time and know the battle. I’m here any time you need a push. Just not off the bridge. 😉

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