I’ve never been one to make New Year’s resolutions… to me, it’s a bit cliche. Besides, if you want to make a change in your life, why should a day on the calendar dictate when you start? When you’re ready to make the change, make it. JUST DO IT. Waiting “one more day” or “starting Monday” just gives you a crutch to hold on to — holding on to the old habits you’re trying to stop.
And yet, here I am, writing a blog post on New Year’s Day. I disgust myself.
I actually started making some changes a couple of weeks ago, but those were more for health reasons than anything else.
And my health is why I’m doing this.
I’m making a life change, and I need you all to hold me accountable, mmmkay?
Over the past few months, my lack of energy and continual tiredness was attributed to my new work schedule – 5am to 2pm weekdays. Even though I was getting plenty of sleep, I never felt 100%. I could take a 4 hour nap after work, wake up to eat supper and then go back to bed and I was still always tired. Then, the coldness kicked in. I was always cold at work, home and everywhere else. It became the norm for me to keep my scarf, hat and coat on at work… and this was soon joined by a blanket on my lap. My skin always felt warm to the touch to others and I never had a fever. I took my temperature multiple times a day because I was convinced I had some type of infection. Why else would I be so cold so much of the time?
Conversations with family and my Twitter friends led me to wonder if something bigger was going on. Luckily, I already had my yearly physical scheduled for the following week, so I just toughed it out until that appointment.
My doctor confirmed what friends hypothesized – I probably have a thyroid problem. Numerous blood tests later, I found out that not only did I have hypothyroidism (with a TSH count of 10.2, normal is 0.4-5.0), I was also very anemic.
No WONDER I felt like death. Seriously, if I had to guess what death felt like, it would have been how I’ve felt for the last month or so.
Looking back, the symptoms started this summer… but I attributed them all to my work schedule and a changing routine. My symptoms didn’t come on suddenly – I was just ignoring them.
My doctor also suggested I get tested for sleep apnea. Sleep apnea is when you stop breathing when you sleep. Yeah, super scary. My uncle has it and I’ve heard it can run in families. Awesomesauce. Sleep apnea can also be caused by being overweight, which I am. My doctor and I decided to wait to do that testing until I have the thyroid and anemia issues under control. Baby steps.
I also had high blood pressure for the first time ever. I am about the age that my mom and her brothers all went on high blood pressure meds, so I’ve always been closely monitored. My doc thinks it could have been a result of another medication I was on, so she ended up taking me off it. Hopefully that plus weight loss will do the trick.
Can you say scary? All these problems coming at me at once?
Obviously, I need to change my life.
I’m not a skinny girl in a fat girl’s body. I’m a fat girl in a fat girl’s body. I will always be a fat girl, no matter what my outward appearance looks like. I’m an emotional eater. I eat when I’m stressed, depressed, happy. I love rich, tasty food, forget about the calories. Sometimes, it just doesn’t matter.
But now, it does.
I am committing to living a healthier life. I am committing to document my journey by writing this blog. I am committing to losing it without losing me.
I want to lose the bulky weight, the plus-size clothes, the getting-short-of-breath-when-I-walk-up-a-flight-of-stairs. I want to lose it all…. but not lose who I am in the process.
This is where you come in.
Hold me accountable.
Don’t let me lose who I am.
Encourage me when I fail.
Praise me when I triumph.
I’m not planning on making any crazy goals, like “lose 50 pounds by summer.” But, if that does happen, I won’t be upset. I just want to get to a healthy weight, no matter how long it takes me to get there. I will be outlining my goals in a future post.
So that’s it. I’m committing to losing it without losing me, will you commit to holding me accountable?